By Gretchen Rockwell
Background
I don’t say this because I have written about black holes, carcinization, iridescence, narwhals,
acacias, prehistoric birds, etc.—though I have //
Hypothesis
My constant questioning // identity / is always in flux / like energy flowing as photons / through
space
Variables/Control of Variables
I used to dream of being / a marine biologist, studying chittering dolphins / or deep-sea fish—
dream of descending / into the lightless sea till I could believe I was / the only human in the
world // in second grade I helped design a diorama of a kelp forest / a crinkled streamer each
stem, carefully colored / fish dotting each layer // I wanted to feel real / leaves sweep my cheeks,
hair clouding undersea / like a mermaid or a dream // I wanted it so much / I could scream—
— & like waking from chloroform / that ambition was released, discarded by cold reality //
perhaps in a parallel universe—though I don’t know // that’s for the physicists to figure // all I
can decipher / is why my trachea constricts when I discover something / previously unknown
Method
I investigate myself thoroughly / probe & dissect / each thought & motivation // everything slides
/ under the microscope // I reject panaceas & placebos / delving into what they cannot cure
Data
[caught in—
—the absence, everything]
Conclusion
Any discovery exists to be explained // hypotheses hover patiently & conclusions will be drawn /
in time // give anything enough time & it will evolve / fractals fracturing old explanations //
a good scientist knows how to watch / & wait / & later / write what it all means
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Gretchen Rockwell is a queer poet who can frequently be found writing about gender, science, space, and unusual connections. Xe is the author of the chapbooks body in motion (perhappened press) and Lexicon of Future Selves (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press) and two microchapbooks; xer work has appeared in AGNI, Cotton Xenomorph, Whale Road Review, Palette Poetry, and elsewhere. Find xer at www.gretchenrockwell.com or on Twitter at @daft_rockwell.
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