padre nuestro
&
0000siren

padre nuestro 

2-week ket binge 

            i lost myself in the light 

                       and wished my tits were bigger 

wished i was slimmer 

            like other girls 

                        wished i had my surgery 

i can’t believe i had to cancel my fucking surgery 

it’s been two years since banko died 

i still remember that day wondering market st. 

                        first responders surrounding the walgreens 

           i didn’t know what was going on, only that i was witnessing 

the mere aftermath of his murder only the next morning did i find out and cried

           cried cried

all my exes hate me or don’t like me at least and that’s fair 

i wouldn’t like the mess i am either 

              i still care probably too much and maybe that’s my fault 

     i recently learned how Michelle died i was never the type of person to

           snoop around and figure out how a person died out of respect 

                        and maybe saving myself from the trauma that comes with things 

like this 

            i just bursted out sobbing, i just couldn’t believe it 

                      i just couldn’t

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i told myself that i’d only focus on myself from here on out 

            i have to remind myself such but that doesn’t mean it’s easy it never is tbh but

that’s survival and i feel as though it’s selfish for me to want that to live my life how i want 

i never believed in catholicism 

                        even though i was forcefully raised in it 

      i still pray every once in a while i still make the sign of the cross i still ask God for

something, anything for everything to be okay i know God doesn’t hear me i know God

                                           doesn’t care for a tranny like me

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but i still pray