By Kirsten Reneau
To administer a baptism
Ex: She baptizes herself during the summer, after she is left behind by a man she believed to be a
kind of small god. She had almost drowned once before and decides to be born anew again in the
water. She moves to a city known for flooding, where no one knows her name. She submerges
herself in the darkest water she can find in order to meet the brightest sky she knew.
2. To purify or spiritually cleanse by purging
Ex: She used to believe she had to deny herself things to be beautiful, and that she had to be
beautiful to find a caring god. If she indulged, she purged. She spent most of her life hating
herself for the space she took up, dreaming of becoming small and therefore, perfect. Her
religion was one of hurt, of guilt, of believing that love could only be found in the desperation of
emptiness.
Ex: She sinks like a stone, swallows as much as her stomach can hold. She makes herself big in
the water, arms spread wide to press the water down and propel herself up. She crawls up to the
tiled side and spits it back into itself.
She goes home drinks the tap water after, eight glasses in a row, trying to make herself
full of what has tried to kill her before. She strips her swimsuit off and stares at her body, it’s
rounded curves and lumps, as soft as the craters of the moon. She becomes sick for three days
after, curled up alone on her bathroom floors.
3. To give a name to
Ex: And God said to Moses and so she said to god, “I WILL BE WHAT I WILL BE”
Ex: And God said “love thy enemy”
Ex: And god looked into her mirror, after being sick for three days and ugly and fat and smiling,
able to recognize her body and name it; to call it good.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Kirsten Reneau is a writer living in New Orleans. Her work has been featured in The Threepenny Review, Hippocampus Magazine, Alaska Quarterly Review, and others. She's online at www.kirstenreneau.com.
Enjoyed Kirsten's work? Send a tip straight to her Venmo: @Kirsten-123